Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Life After Thirty...

I find myself thinking today, about 5 years ago, when my partner was just turning 31, and he was constantly complaining about how "old" he was, and how much his body hurt, and how his life was already half over, and on and on. He's a cancer, so part of this cycle of thinking is in his nature. Though he wasn't alone, as we had many other friends in their early thirties who had many of the same complaints and concerns.

Being a pragmatic Capricorn, it was a really big turn off to think of myself turning thirty and then suddenly feeling super old and worn out. Its fine if other ppl want to feel that way, but i have this vulnerability complex going on, so i can't have that kind of nonsense rattling around in my head, lol. It had to be some sort of strange social phenomena, a brief moment of midlife insanity, or some strange influence of Saturn's return.

I thoroughly believed it was exactly that until just a few hours ago, while i was lying in the physical therapy office getting shocked with estim pads after having a twist and shout session to try and get rid of my back pain. Laying their on my side, because it hurts too much to lay flat on my back, i started to think of everything that has happened since my wintertime 30th birthday.

Ankle and foot surgery, over a year of physical therapy for two different issues, doctor supervised pain management, extra tiredness, extra weight, not being able to find a single comfortable pair of shoes. And on and on. I realized that while i logically recognized I'm far from "old", it's super easy to "feel" old with my body acting like it's in some new circus act.

Is this life after thirty for everyone?

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